


You Could Be Happy

by lorenisnotcool



Series: Drifting [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2nd part of to drift, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Destiel - Freeform, Loss, M/M, Nightmares, Sad, Summer, Surprise Ending, Talk of drugs, loss of friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-10 17:30:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2033742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorenisnotcool/pseuds/lorenisnotcool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The summer between high school and college after the first part in the series Drifting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Could Be Happy

Dean Winchester was a complete fucking mess.

Dean Winchester hadn’t talked to anyone outside of his parents and Sam the entire summer.

Dean Winchester had never fucked up so bad.

He tried call Cas every day after the party. He called five or six times a day. It always went straight to voicemail. So eventually he went over to Cas’ mom’s house, to see if she had seen him. He had no luck.

_“I’m sorry, Dean. But I haven’t seen Castiel since he told me he was a,” pause, “homosexual.”_

Cas’ mother had said. So Dean went to Charlie and Garth. Who said they haven’t seen him since graduation day, and they haven’t talked to them since.

They were lying.

Cas covered up his tracks before he left. He told everyone, under no circumstances, were they to tell Dean Winchester where he was, or when they last saw him.

Dean didn’t know that of course. All he knew is that no one, besides his parents and Sam, hadn’t seen Cas since graduation.

So he went to his last and final option.

_“Hey Dean-o.” Meg answered the door, “What can I do for you?”_

_“Have you seen Cas? At all, after graduation day.” Dean shifted from one foot to another._

_“Clarence? Maybe. I don’t know if I should tell you though.” She smiled._

_“Meg, I really didn’t want to come here, but he called me the night, or morning, when he left and said he was with you. Please, Meg. I just need to know if he’s okay.”_

_Meg stood up a little straighter, “Why do you care?”_

_“Excuse me?” Dean snapped._

_“Well, Clarence did come over. And he got high. We almost had sex. And he broke saying he was too in love with you, and he couldn’t do it.” Meg shrugged._

_“Loved me?” Dean stared at her._

_“Clarence was real hung up on you. Broke my heart to see him so in love with you all those years. And you had no idea.”_

_“Have you talked to him recently?” Meg nodded. “Is he okay? He’s not hurt or anything, right?”_

_“Nope, not that I know of. Said he’s getting his stuff ready for college.” Meg took a cigarette from her back pocket and put it between her lips._

_“What college is he going to? I know he got accepted into two in California and one here in Kansas.”_

_“That I cannot tell you.” She smiled, lighting the cigarette._

_“Meg, please.” Dean’s voice cracked._

_“I can’t,” her voice softened, “he begged me not to. He honestly doesn’t want to see you again. I’m sorry, Dean. I know he was your best friend, but-“_

_“Why does everyone keep saying that? Was? We’re gonna talk it out and get over it. Like we always do.”_

_“How? If he won’t talk to you, and you have no idea where he is?”_

_“We just will!” He yelled. Meg flinched and took a step back. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have yelled, just. If you hear from him, tell him I came by, and ask him to consider talking to me. Please.”_

_“I will. Bye Dean.” She gave a small smile and closed the door._

* * *

 

It was July now. Dean accepted a scholarship from UC Santa Barbara. It was one of the colleges him and Cas planned on going to, along with Kansas State and UC Long Beach. Dean needed to get out of Kansas though; everything here reminded him of Cas. From the tree in his backyard, to the book store downtown.

He could barely be in his own room anymore. His pillow smelled like Cas, some of t-shirts smelled like Cas, no matter how many times he wore them or washed them.

God, he regretted everything that happened. If he ever saw Cas again, he’d tell him. He would have to. He needed to.

* * *

 

July didn’t consist of much. He stopped calling Cas. He tried about once a week, but there was never an answer. So he buried himself at the auto shop, working from 8 A.M. to 7 P.M.

He took Sam out to the movies on Saturdays, like him and Cas used to do. Sam knew he was replacing Cas, but he knew Dean was broken up about this, plus, his brother was leaving for college in less than a month. So he wanted to spend as much time with him as he could.

There were days where Dean wouldn’t leave the house. He’d stay in his room mainly. Watching home videos that him and Cas used to make. God, they were so young. They couldn’t have been older than ten. Dean would sing to Cas, loud and off pitch. And Cas would blush and laugh. Dean missed seeing that smile.

He would think about how many times he left Cas for a girlfriend. Cas would come over for one of their movie nights and Dean would say he had a hot date, and leave. Cas never said that it bothered him, but looking back Dean could see the hurt in Cas’ eyes, and his forced smile.

How could he do that to him?

He started having nightmares. He hasn’t had nightmares in a while. Not since he was eleven. It was always the same one, his mom telling him goodnight, and then there was heat, so much heat. Dean ran outside and the house was in flames. No one was outside with him, he saw his mom standing in the window with his dad and Sam. They stood there like a family portrait and just stared at him while he watched them burn.

He had them a lot when he was young, four or five young. They stopped once he met Cas. And when they were nine he started having them again. He didn’t know why. Cas was staying the night the first time it happened. Dean was thrashing in bed and Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and started singing to him. He woke up sobbing and hugged Cas. Cas would just run his fingers through Dean’s hair and say, _“it’s okay, it was just a dream. Shh, Dean. It was just a dream. Your parents are in the next room. So is Sam. Remember? We put him to bed last night? It’s okay Dean, I’m here, I’m not going to leave you. I will never leave you Dean.”_

Cas was always there when he had nightmares. And the nights he wasn’t, Dean would call him and Cas would rush over, no matter how late or early. And he’d do the same thing as when they were kids.

How could Dean be so stupid?

The nightmares were different now. Cas was standing in the fire too. Just staring at Dean, no emotion.

Dean didn’t wake up to anyone holding him and telling him it was okay. He would reach his hands out looking for someone, something. But he never found anything. There was no more Cas. Cas was gone.

Dean would call him on those nights; he would tell Cas what happened, and how sorry he was. He would ask him to just come over. He would say how he knew Cas hated him, but he needed him. He was slowly losing his mind without him.

Cas never answered Dean’s voicemails.

Dean knew he deserved it.

* * *

Dean just arrived at UCSB. He said his goodbyes to everyone in Kansas. He was coming back for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so he’d only be gone for a few months.

His parents cried. Sam didn’t. Sam just smiled and hugged Dean. He told him how happy he was for him. His parents said they were proud of him for finally getting out of Kansas, and going on to bigger and better things.

And you know what?

Dean was happy. He got to leave and start over. There was a whole new life awaiting him out there. And he couldn’t wait to start it.

+ 

He just got finished putting the last of clothes away. He had a dorm here on campus. It wasn’t anything to extravagant. Two twin beds, a desk with a chair and lamp, a dresser with five drawers, and a small bathroom.

His roommate was already moved in. Their bed was made and clothes put away in the top two drawers. Dean was excited to meet this guy; he’d be spending the next year with him.

He hoped that he wasn’t a neat freak.

He hoped he liked Star Trek.

He had a lot of hopes.

 Dean wandered around the campus for a bit, checking out how far some food joints were, where to get coffee, how long it would take to get from class to class. He was gone until about6 P.M.

It was starting to get dark so he headed back to his dorm.

+

When he got back he saw the bathroom door was closed and the light was on. So his roommate was here, that was good. He was a little nervous though. What if the guy was an arrogant prick? He could always apply for a new roommate. 

Dean sat down on his bed and opened up laptop, waiting for the guy to come out of the bathroom.

He heard the door unlock so he stood up to formally greet his new roommate.

The door opened.

Dean was met with a familiar pair of blue eyes and a head of uncontrollable black hair.

“Hello, Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> I uploaded it!!! Yay!!!! Okay sorry this took a bit, I just finished college on Thursday and wanted to look over this. I wrote this before I even finished To Drift. I think everything should make sense. I edited a couple parts to make sense. I haven't started their college life yet so please be patient. I have three weeks off and hope to have at least two or three chapters written. I have everything planned out and notes written down on plot points I want to happen. 
> 
> This fic was inspired by You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-iGnYg4_M8  
> Please listen to it, it's so perfect


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